- friend: you should've come with us!
- me: an invitation might have helped
when people dont like what other people say why dont u just scroll past like honestly it would make things so much simpler
ugh omg i cant believe u just said that
my dad ate a cucumber today and he was like “wow this is pretty cold” and then he just slowly put the cucumber down and stared into space for a really long time until he turned to me with wide eyes and quietly said, “oh my god. cool as a cucumber.”
do you ever go into a music store and just find all of your favourite band’s albums even though you already have them and you just hover in that general area for a while
this girl who rode my bus once came up to me and was like “oh my god dont get offended or anything but are you GAAAAAAAAAAY?!” and i was like yeah and then she was like “OH MY GOD WE HAVE TO HANG OUT AND GO SHOPPING” and i was like “dont get offended or anything but are you ASIAN?!” and she was like “omg yeah im filipino” and i was like “OH MY GOD WE HAVE TO MAKE SPRING ROLLS AT YOUR HOUSE SOME TIME” and she never talked to me again
- me: closes wrong tab
- me: PTERODACTYL NOISE
I love how on tumblr you can be a asexual genderfluid satanist crossdresser and nobody will say a thing but if you wear uggs or crocs the entire website will be out to kill you
you know when you ask your sister to get you some gummy candy but you really mean SOUR gummy candy so when she comes home with your gummy bears you are very disappointed and forget them in the sun and then they congeal into one single 990 calorie gummy rectangle and you spend 10 minutes cutting it out of the bag so you can take a picture for the internet
